So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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