Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
