So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
