evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize