Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
