We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I need to stop coming to work sober
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
