he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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