dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I think I won the penis lottery.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
