dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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