Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
