My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
