its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
