I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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