Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
