Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
