from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
We're too hungover to prance.
Randomize
