but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
