I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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