I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
