Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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