i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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