I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
