Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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