Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
