I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
