mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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