Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
