I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
meet me or not, i'm out of control
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
She swung at the pinata with crutches
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Randomize
