you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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