32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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