I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
