Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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