The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize