I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
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