I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
