I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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