I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
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