I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
