i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I can't put those talents on a resume
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
