You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
