Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
