he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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