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I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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