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i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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