I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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