it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
