Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Randomize
