Fuck appropriateness.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize