We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
