Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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