you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
