WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
