yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
