you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
