you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
