That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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