Buhtt sex?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
