GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
