That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
This baby is an asshole
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
