Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
