hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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