Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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