Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
