We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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