Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
