Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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