careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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