literally had 100 drinks last night.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
