Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize