im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
