got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize