Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
