Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
