i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
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