It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
