I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
