Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
You are the jesus of drinking
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
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