It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
