Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Just invented taco cereal.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
