My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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