Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Randomize
