the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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