So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
