Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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