Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
