just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
