New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
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