if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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