A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
