im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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