tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
