When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
We smell like vodka and hangover
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