Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
