i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
