We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
