Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
