I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
