I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
