I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Randomize
