Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
