Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
