bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
last night I used snow as a chaser
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
