This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
